Why did I, Monique, become a massage therapist?
Let me start very very early. I can say my interest in holistic therapies started in childhood. There are many streams from which I can draw the source. I will list them as it is how my mind functions best, and then connect the separate parts.
1- From early childhood, I had this thought that I could control things with my mind, or I had an awareness that my mind was very powerful and if I managed to separate my consciousness from my body, I was capable of enduring difficult physical sensations, difficult situations, which also translated into an awareness of subtleties and my ability to tap in and out of things that were not visible. This reading of subtleties is very present in a massage practice, where we are feeling and looking for very slight changes in tissue, in temperature, in someone’s energy. I love tapping into the extremely subtle and seeing what I am able to draw from it. The thought of being in control also helps me in making decisions that are based in knowledge but also intuition, there is something extremely satisfying of walking that fine line. It’s like detective work.
2- Watching my dad’s struggle with his health made me aware of the body and how it can be unruly, aware of how we are actually not in control even though we desperately want to be. He had progressive MS and was in a wheelchair from the time I was 5 years old. I think maybe my idea that I could control my body could have been in response to the trauma of seeing someone I cared about, who was in a situation beyond his control, and the suffering and difficulty it involved. Watching someone I love suffer from something I had no control over made me feel powerless and desperate to help in some way, if only I could imagine and figure out some solution. I always feel like no matter what there is a solution, but in some cases it is a dead end. In this specific case relating to physical health. How could this have been prevented? How can I prevent this from happening to me or anyone else?
3- I love manual labor. It’s the only thing that makes sense to me somehow. I have no earth in my chart so it feels good to focus on the material world because I often feel like I’m about to float off the face of the earth into an abstract spiral of thoughts, feelings, and dreams.
4-My own struggles with mental illness made me into someone who was constantly trying to fix something within myself. The journey really started when I was 17 and I developed panic disorder. I had previously dealt with depression, addiction, anxiety, ADHD, but nothing shook me with such urgency as having panic attacks. When it first started there was an entire year where I was having panic attacks constantly, vertigo, constant anxiety and paranoia. I was basically without support because my parents didn’t really know what to do about it. I didn’t know what to do. I tried supplements, St. John’s Wort, Omega 3, I thought drinking tea would cure me. Medication or therapy wasn’t offered to me at the time so I worked through it by myself, bit by bit, journaling, self medicating. It took years to have any semblance of recovery, but through trial and error I have managed, 15 years later I am sort of ok. Persistently trying to heal myself gave me a lot of insight on how I can help others as well, and how it feels to live in a body in a world that feels scary, violent, terrifying.
5- I’m a neurodivergent freak. I can’t do regular work schedules and I need flexibility.
6- I spent many years working as a dancer. The physical and mental toll it had almost burnt me out many times, I was not receiving bodywork or any sort of therapies during the majority of my career which I now find crazy. I came to know the importance of taking care of your body and soul through being in a position to receive and be healed. After many years working solely in this crazy industry, I knew I needed other options. When my dad died, I knew I needed to get out, to do something different because everything just felt too chaotic. I enrolled in massage school and it was life changing. I became more aware of my body, felt more of a sense of purpose, felt I finally had a way out.
7-Somehow in my family, I believe through disillusionment with the medical system, there has always been an attraction to “natural remedies” as a first option for treatment for any kind of issue. Many things can be cured with garlic, yogurt, ACV, and a positive attitude…right? Sort of. Anyway, I always had this DIY approach to healing which is why I believe we have agency as people to heal ourselves and our community ** Within limits of course, modern medicine has it’s place as well**
TLDR; life was hard and scary and it made me want to help uplift people. Massage is an enjoyable art form. I am genuinely interested in it and motivated to do it.
